rules of engagement: ten commandments 


Tell the truth at all times, even if you can not or will not follow a direct order. Even if I will “never know that you are lying.” First of all, I will know. Second of all, trust can not be based on lies, and will never be fulfilling if it is. I am not a part of your outside world. I am part of your inner world, and I demand absolute honesty and truthfulness from you. What you say remains with Me. Just tell the truth.


I am in charge and that means you will follow My orders. A servant’s heart means that My will is more important than your own and My pleasure comes before your own. Does it hurt? The answer is not important. Are you obeying/pleasing Me? That is the question you should ask yourself. Put Me first, and let Me take the lead.


I am Sir Brian. Never "dude," "man," "bud," etc. Do not fail to address Me properly before speaking to Me or at the beginning of a communication. My preferred form of address is “Sir,” and I strongly dislike the use of "Master." You will answer questions clearly, maintain proper posture, and ask permission to engage. Take time to show your respect.


Always say thank you. If I punish you, thank Me. I am taking time and energy to teach you a lesson in self-improvement. If I reward you, thank Me. I have noted your efforts and found you worthy of reward. Be thankful for everything that I give to you and everything that I take from you.


If I see you regularly, we will establish rituals and individual rules for you. They may include what you can wear, how and when you contact Me, or even tasks outside of your time with Me, if they are within your reach. During our time together, I am in control. I respect agreed upon interests and limits, but will not accept a "script" or any topping from the bottom. Accept that within given boundaries, you are giving up your control.


I am a professional Dominant and a lifestyler. I prefer to keep My visitors in chastity during their time with Me, both because it is one of My personal kinks, and because it fits very well with a professional setting, but I understand some things are limits for everyone. I still expect a form of sexual chastity from you: I will not “get you off” or tolerate open unrequited sexual advances. Sexual release or orgasm is not the end goal of BDSM or of a session, and one should not expect either of those things by default upon visiting Me. If you want proper sex, go visit a full-service provider. Think with your brain.


To you, I am a god. That means I expect to be worshiped. How do you worship Me? You obey Me, you learn how to please Me, you follow and don’t try to lead, you communicate your inner thoughts with Me, you tribute Me, you are humble, loyal, dedicated, and respectful. Put Me above you.


I expect you to communicate fully openly with Me. Tell Me what is going on in your life, what you are doing, and what you feel. Have no secrets. Do not hide things from Me you think I do not wish to hear. “Thou shall have no other gods before Me:” I wish to know everything there is to know about you. Tell Me your thoughts as you would a lover or friend.


Your attentiveness will show you are worthy. Have proper spelling, grammar, and sentence if you communicate with Me through writing. I won’t have written communication with someone who cannot string a sentence together, is functionally illiterate, gives one-word answers, or seems unable of having an intelligent thought process. Be well-groomed, and clean when we meet, or I will throw you out. Remember I am also present in your experience.


If I am regularly seeing you, and you wish to part ways, you will ask respectfully to be released. You will understand that as long as you are under My control, you give up your right to decide to just walk away without at least a conversation or message. If the problem can not be sufficiently resolved, we will agree to part ways. Your information will be vaulted or destroyed upon request, and any property returned. Understand that we live in separate worlds when we are apart.

 Frequently asked questions 

What is a complete list of services You offer?

I am professional Dominant, alt-sex educator, and entertainer.

  • I offer discreet, private experiences with no organic sex for individuals or couples interested in BDSM or kink, either at a private location or at their homes.
  • I teach individuals or couples how to incorporate new techniques in play, as well as run public and semi-public group classes on several BDSM subjects.
  • I take on a relationship advisor/mediator role with individuals wishing to "come out" to their partners, and serve as a kink informational hub for newcomers to the scene.
  • I can speak, teach, and perform at non-kink and vanilla events to help normalize the practices of BDSM and foster understanding between communities.
  • I take on informational and erotic phone calls and appointments.
  • I 100% self-produce and release educational, artistic, and pornographic video and photo content featuring a wide range of activities and interests.
  • I serve as ghost designer and consultant on a variety of kink and vanilla artistic projects.

Wait, what do You mean "no organic sex?"

I mean I will not be putting My cock into you. I will not be fucking or sucking or jerking anything that passes in front of Me. If this seems confusing, I suggest you contact a Dominant escort, who will very happily exchange sex for money. Sessions such as anal training or cum control ("edging") are done with a myriad of toys and tools. I am an adult entertainer and alt-sex expert, not a rental service. While on that subject, I am not a stripper either.

I'm completely new to this and have no idea what I like/want.

As long as you are open with Me, and I can figure a few loose general interests, I will happily take on newbies and inexperienced visitors. My goal is to help people navigate these things, and I will usually work with each individual to find the best option for them. I am relaxed and approachable, both during and out of session. We can take this at your pace. I promise I sound scarier online.

What's a session like?

A session is defined by each person's interests and personality, carefully crafted to be an individual experience that works within a common framework and comfort level. I pride Myself on not "breaking My toys," and can be vetted for in the local BDSM community, as well as by industry professionals in at least three countries.

I am older/in poor health. Can I still come see You?

Absolutely. I always make it a point to ask about any and all health issues a visitor may have to ensure their complete safety and well-being. My range is wide. Being older, or disabled should never stop you from being able to enjoy service or play.

I see You used to take Your in-calls at Destiny's Chamber. Since that dungeon is gone, do You operate our of another professional dungeon in the area?

Being extremely selective, I have not currently found a space that fits My needs and idiosyncracies. I will update this site when I do.

I'm worried. You could be crazy. Do I get to meet You first?

I suggest that all My visitors arrive ten to fifteen minutes early to their in-call. This is a chance I get to talk with you, on a face-to-face level. I will ask any specific questions here, and you may do the same. As far as being crazy, I doubt that. I have a public real-time and online presence that has been active since 2011. If I was dismembering people, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be in business. No, we can't go for a coffee date to decide whether you want to book Me or not.

The tribute You demand is very high! Is there any way around it?

The tribute I demand is absolutely fitting to what I do, and is actually slightly lower than the average for those in My field. I must make sure that My tools are taken care of and of a quality suitable to see that they do not fail Me. I must replace My disposables and My sanitation products. There is no way around it. You may tribute Me in payments prior to your session if you find that more fitting. I also accept gifts from My Amazon Wishlist, and lower session tribute according to how much I need the item in question in the first place. I always recommend such "barter" options are discussed with Me first.

I would like to learn how to Dominate my partner. Do You teach?

I teach individual visitors as well as couples, both at home and at the dungeon. I also teach freely at the events I attend if I have time, so if you look at My Events page, it may prove helpful in finding out where I will be next. I teach recurring public classes at the Kink Shoppe, mainly on the topics of rope and beginner BDSM, and a list of previously taught workshops can be found in My Resume.

Sir, I'm a slave/submissive, and I would like to serve You/be trained.

Lovely. I am not looking for personal service of any sort. I am unbelievably busy, and in several relationships, both D/s and not, which fully occupy My personal time and emotional labor. If you wish to serve Me, then you will do so with an appointment, like everyone else does. You may also inquire about public lifestyle sessions, though I take those on rarely.

Wow, this is so cool, I'd love to get to know You!

This is a flat out lie. You either want to sleep with Me, or you want Me to play with you, or you are somehow trying to benefit from My knowledge in the field without compensating Me. Stop doing this. Pay sex workers. Pay content creator. Pay artists. People who want to "get to know Me" manage to do so organically, not because of what I do. I do not tend to play with My friends.

I can't expect to serve You frequently with Your high tribute demands!

If you come serve Me with regularity, I will consider discussing arrangements for tribute that you will find quite generous on My part. Regularity shows commitment, and I appreciate commitment. And so, I will, on an individual basis and depending on how frequently you wish to see Me, adjust My demands. You may also inquire about public lifestyle sessions.

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© 2011-2020

Brian Oestmann

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