I thought an update could be in order. What is not going to be in order, are all these thoughts. They do all lead somewhere though, eventually. I will not be writing anything about the current administration or the current erosion of the rights of millions of Americans. I have either nothing to say, or too much to say, and there are much more eloquent people out there that can articulate these thoughts much better than I can. I'm just focusing on some of My own work/life updates.
I have been in full-time sex work for the past twelve years. It has certainly been a most unique adventure, and I am forever grateful for all of the experiences that it has granted Me, from meeting amazing people in so many different fields, to connecting with folks in some of the most intimate experiences. Nothing can really replace that.
I love what I do for work. I always have loved what I do, since I first entered the scene in 2011. BDSM and kink significantly changed My life, and helped Me get out of an abusive relationship. The lifestyle and connections I made in it helped Me completely rebuild the shell left over after 8 years of Hell. I truly believe that it can do that for everyone who seeks it.
That said, I do not like My job. By that, I mean I do not like existing within a framework that requires transactionality to access these experiences, and all of the shackles that come with any venture within a capitalist system. Scheduled times. Rates. Competitiveness. Chasing algorithmic relevance. Having to "present" a certain way to ensure "success." I did not enter alt-sex work to become prominent or to build a business. I entered it because I wanted to dedicate My time to sharing these experiences and skills with select others.
People who have known or followed Me for a while know that I am fiercely anti-capitalist, anti-authoritarian, and have an incredible distrust for prominence and organized groups. I'm much more of a fan of small, decentralized, communitarian spaces (that is, those where the values, rules, and needs of the community change and expand based on the specific community). Meanwhile, in this increasingly worrying time, socially and politically, the internet is dying. We traded in "free speech" for larger networks where oligarchs decided what was free enough or not. We threw away honest communications for paid shilling. We went from sharing our passions to having to ensure a maximum amount of reach. It is bleeding out into our real world.
Remember when you could say "fuck the police, may they burn" online and not have some Safety and Moderation Team tell you that's hate speech while letting actual hate speech buy ad space on their platform? I long for a time of direct experience, longevity, good references, and personal connection. Personal connection. I am a bog witch: I favor My solitude, privacy, and intense dedication to what I view as a sacred art. Instead, I live in a world where I should pause to consider how the lighting and angle is in My BDSM scene, so I can take a good picture for Instagram (but not too good, and not too racy, because then they get mad). Because you gotta get that sweet, sweet relevance, and have people see you. May My partner be young enough, thin enough, able bodied, enough, cisgender enough, and Eurocentric enough.
Having people see you does not translate into either money or stability. What is does translate to is a constant need to be "on" and a false sense of authority over others. Prominence. Power. Frank Herbert once said "It is not that power corrupts. It is merely that it is magnetic to the corruptible. Suspect all who seek it." I strongly agree with this sentiment, which is why I operate from a framework of power GIVEN, rather than power TAKEN. Once it is given, then it becomes Mine to do what I choose to. But you must give it first. Choice is paramount.
We are stewards of this world for a short time. What are we even doing. Screaming into the void and clawing each other's eyes out in an effort to not starve.
So in the spirit of all this cheerfulness, I decided to pull most of My commercial content from internet sale. I no longer wish to work within the framework of producing entities. I no longer want to have to worry about how I "diversify" some content and "make something appealing." I... never particularly did that in the first place. I think of My Vampire's Kiss video, which was rejected from one platform because "vampire" was the actual content, and rejected from another one because "vampire" was written in the title. I think of the amount of times My videos with a sub named "Kiddo" got flagged because of his name. I think of the approval letter I once got from ManyVids, six years after I submitted. I think of the fans-vs-earnings shift, where I can access hundreds of videos of a creator for $5 a month, rather than having to pay $20 for a crafted piece. We live in a HoneyCam Studio world, where value is defined not by the quality you do, but by how many people see you do it.
I can choose to not participate. I can choose to prioritize My skills, My experiences, and My well-being. I started making videos because I wanted to showcase both My range and My off-kilter style, not because I wanted to be a "creator." This is still a goal... I just refuse to do it commercially anymore. It is not worth the headaches, the anxiety, and the limited income. I wasn't doing much in the first place.
I am, instead, much more interested in creating intentional content, and intentional communities. As part of that, I've started becoming a little more active on My Discord server and trying to build it up, while I stress less about other places and methods. This lets Me create read-only channels and feeds where people can CHOOSE to catch up with things, as well as group chats that center specific interests. I highly encourage folk to join it, though it is still a bit of a jumble right now. I'll soon be updating it with a few automation tools and a little tutorial video. I'm hoping to fill this year with more liminal digital spaces, running some free/donation-based Q&As, doing some gaming livestreams, and broadcasting some cool adult events. Currently, I do a monthly movie broadcast of a kink/BDSM-themed film every second Sunday of every month. You should come see that.
I'm beginning to return to (independent only) events, and you can now spot Me at some of the more organic spaces and places, including with some regularity in Mechanicsburg and NYC. As usual, I have My filthy little fingers behind the scenes of a few things, and you never know where I might appear. I do suggest people check out My calendar to see where I am planned to pop into next. Speaking of My calendar, I no longer display times that I am unavailable in due to sessions, as I would like to offer further privacy to My visitors.
That is all, really. I have no real conclusion to all this, it's really just an update, since I do them very rarely to begin with. Be either blessed or afraid, I remain alive, to some people's great dismay. And I intend to do so for a little while at least, and you should too. We're all on this rock together, and as terrible as it may be, we cannot deny it is at least interesting, isn't it?
Comments